Understanding PTSD through Body
Adornment
Rage and Joy
“Rage and Joy” was created after I interviewed M, a PTSD survivor. In college, M was asked to pick one defining emotion. Her first instinct was “rage,” which made her question the way she moved through each day. She chose to focus on “joy” as her defining emotion instead.
“Shattered Memories” is a topographical map of Norway. M lived in Norway until she was three years old, when her father kidnapped her and brought her to America. She led a very isolated and mentally abused life until she returned to Norway for the first time at 15. She met her mother again as well as her extended family, learned to be more outgoing and social, and enjoyed the time with her family although she wasn’t allowed to stay. During her time there, however, she was raped by a family member, and her mom blamed her when M tried to tell her what happened. “An Insufficiency of Parenting” is about the conflicting emotions of a child who believes that somehow everything is their fault. The center ring represents M and her guilt of being the cause of her own trauma, while the other two rings represent her parents and the expectations or abuse that each of them added to her conflict. When she was finally able to recognize and permit herself to believe that she had an insufficiency of parenting it was a turning point, allowing her to move forward and process her emotions. The final ring, “Steve,” is an ode to her late husband who supported her, understood her, and loved her deeply. Together they raised four children, and M truly represents “Joy,” a long journey that took a great deal of processing, self-evaluation, and close friendships. She worked hard not to be a “reflective parent,” and to do what is best for her children rather than trying to constantly do the opposite of what her parents did. She recognizes that navigation around her emotions and her fears may at times be difficult for her children, and is very proud of their happiness and success in life. |
"I had a Life, I had a Plan"
P is the daughter of a PTSD survivor. Her father was drafted into war in his early twenties, just as he was about to open an exotic fish shop with his girlfriend. P says that he doesn’t discuss the war very often, but when he does it’s usually to tell a short story or experience, or to express a brief feeling. He has closed himself off, a construct of trauma and defense.
“I had a life, I had a plan” is a glove made out of copper mesh. The mesh represents the wall constructed by P’s father as well as the social constructs and stigma affecting those with PTSD. The fish extending from the palm is a symbol of the hopes and dreams that he had which are now distant. The title comes from the quote “I had a life, I had a plan, and it was taken away from me” which P says always comes back when he talks about his past. |
"'Normal' Little Girls"
J is another PTSD survivor. Growing up she lived with her mom and her mom’s boyfriends, several of whom were abusive. Her mom always sided with them and punished J when anything happened, blaming her daughter for the incident. When I spoke with J, she shared that in addition to the current effects of PTSD she used to tell herself “normal little girls don’t think like that” when she reacted to things differently than those around her.
“‘Normal’ Little Girls” is made out of copper, ribbon, and a headband. The bow represents the impossible ideals and standards pushed on girls at a young age. The weight of the bow, however, makes it nearly impossible to keep it in place, which is similar to the abuse and fear that J faced as well as the truth of unrealistic expectations. It is difficult to keep up a façade of perfection and happiness when you’ve faced so much. Although she still struggles with depression and PTSD she is now in a stable, happy marriage and advocates for rescued, homeless, lost and abused dogs. |
"Just Breathe"
“Just Breathe” is a piece about Jason, another PTSD survivor. He experienced repeated incidents of choking, and several were so severe that he had to be taken to the hospital to have the food or pills removed. He is now unable to eat or even consider eating solid foods without having a panic attack and has resorted to foods like milkshakes and smoothies. When he is hit by a panic attack he tells himself “just breathe.” This piece is made of hands in the shape of the universal sign for choking, and a straw which is his only necessary utensil.
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"Foggy Memories"
Foggy Memories is about a PTSD survivor named Lauren. She was sexually abused by her older brother at a very young age, and suspects that she may also have been abused by her father. She was so young, however, that she only remembers a few incidents with clarity and the others are more a general feeling of unease. This piece shows that confused memory, hard to see or interpret. Lauren also dealt with an emotionally and sexually abusive fiancé for two years before they separated, and now has recurring moments of panic when she performs simple actions such as taking out her keys because he would yell at her when she took more than a few seconds.
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